


SKEPTICISM AND SCHISM

by haknyeonsmrjoo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Crossposted from aff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 23:46:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12398718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haknyeonsmrjoo/pseuds/haknyeonsmrjoo
Summary: Crossposted on AFF.





	SKEPTICISM AND SCHISM

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted on AFF.

**_January 2015._ **

To most people, it was just an ordinary day in their lives. It was another uneventful date to be added into a growing list of dates that will vanish into oblivion, without them knowing it. However, for Sicheng and Kun, it was anything but ordinary.

“Wow, will you look at that?” Taeyong gushed, running towards their direction in the practice room. They were all congregated there, just having a quick break over a strenuous day of practicing another complicated dance routine. They don’t know what it was for, but they just bow their heads in concentration, intently providing each other constructive criticisms for them to improve and be the better version of themselves, stepping into another stone towards their ultimate goal: to be added in the growing SMTOWN family picture.

Everyone rose, gathering around the lithe man. Taeyong showed them the Facebook post from the official SM Rookies page, with pictures of Kun and Sicheng, announcing their official addition in the growing roster. They have been training with the boys for a couple of months already, but it was just then when the higher-ups have decided that they can be proclaimed for the whole world to see.

The boys started congratulating the two of them, showering them with praises in Chinese, Korean and English. The two boys just smiled and gratefully accepted the onslaught of encouragements, and they promised to work harder to be in the same group as them in the future years.

 

“Finally, we did it,” Kun broke the silence between him and Sicheng one night, two weeks after the Facebook post. The international fans showed generally positive comments towards their addition to the hallowed group, while some Korean fans expressed skepticism because of their nationality. They cannot blame them because of some issues in the past, but they just served as fuel to their continuously roaring fire, wanting them to bring out the best in them.

“I never imagined that people would really care about us, and we’re not debuting yet,” Sicheng replied, looking at the stars in the velvet sky. They were at the rooftop of their shared dorm, away from the other trainees. They usually go there to talk about things, to unwind or just to get some fresh air, something that an urban city like Seoul rarely offers.

“Gege,” Sicheng looked at the older boy.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you very much for being there with me. You are my sunshine,” he continued. Looking at Kun’s calm eyes, he felt at ease. It became his therapy, his go-to remedy whenever things fuck him up.

Going to Seoul from his school in China a year ago, Sicheng felt really afraid. He had to face living every single day, on his own, with people who would be present today and gone the next day. He never had the urge to establish deeper connections to the other trainees, knowing that some of them would not be with them in the long run. It was hard for him, and the language barrier made it even harder for him to express his thoughts to people.

Then, Kun came. Sicheng thought, finally, someone who I can connect with. The initial hesitation soon came, along with the worries of his inner demons. However, Kun proved himself that he would be very much willing to be Sicheng’s crying shoulder, laughing arm and overall constant companion. Since then, training days in Korea passed without a hitch. Being with Kun, spending time with him, feels like everything in Sicheng’s big puzzle had finally completed.

He was pulled from his reverie when he felt hands on top of his. He looked back at his gege, eyes glazed with sweetness and bringing a promise of everlasting company, and smiled, the most genuine smile that he had after a long time. Squeezing his fingers, Kun, once again, worked on his magic.

Sicheng can now face another lifetime with smiles on his face.

**_March 2016._ **

Kun and Sicheng are seated beside each other, once again, as they watch their hyungs and dongsaengs cheering amongst themselves in the sitting room of their dormitory. The higher-ups have finally given them the green light to debut, as NCT U. They will be the first NCT unit to be shown to the world, starting Lee Sooman’s vision of worldwide invasion through music.

Jaehyun, Doyoung, Taeyong, Ten, Mark and Taeil were the first ones to be debuted, working on two title tracks. Taeil won’t be with the others in the first track, because the executives felt that the oldest guy would not suit the overall image that they wanted the unit to portray. Instead, he will be packaged with Doyoung and Jaehyun in a vocal trio, working on the other title track, which will showcase their vocals and yes, it seems like Super Junior-KRY or Girls Generation-TTS.

Even though they won’t be included in the unit, Sicheng and Kun would be performing with them in Beijing on June. Kun will also be added in the Chinese version of the vocal track, highlighting his vocals infused with the mystic qualities of Mandarin. Sicheng will participate in the MV filming as well.

It’s a win-win situation for them (no pun intended), and they were equally grateful. Not everyone would be given a chance to be showcased without even debuting. They congratulated those who are raucously laughing among themselves, sharing cans of beer and soda (for the maknae Mark).

They promised to work even harder, to hasten their debut dates. They promise to do everything together: performing onstage with each other, and for them, it’s going to be the start of the realization of their dreams.

 

**_June 2016._ **

Winwin came back to the dorm, shoulders hunched, eyes expressionless. Kun, who was watching TV with Doyoung and Ten, watched him with his furrowed eyebrows. Their eyes met, and Kun immediately saw the message.

He pulled the younger towards his room, politely asking Jaehyun to vacate the place because they need to talk about something important. After Jaehyun left, Kun motioned the younger to sit beside him on the bed that Jaehyun had vacated.

“What’s the matter? What happened in the meeting?” Kun asked the questions one after the other, his tone hinting worry towards the younger.

“I’m going to debut, gege.” Winwin glanced at the older, then looked away. “I’m going to be with the others in July, in another unit.” Even though the news was something to be happy for, the way of delivery was quite the opposite.

Kun cleared his throat. “Wow, that’s great news! Finally you can debut!” he cheered the younger one, shaking the other’s arms. “What’s with the sad face?” he added.

“We promised each other we will debut together, share the same stage together, sing with each other, and I feel bad because I broke that promise first,” Winwin answered. He felt tears lining his eyes, and he bowed his head, becoming intensely fascinated with his fingernails.

“I know what you feel, and it’s okay,” Kun said, after a short but pregnant silence. “It’s not your fault, and I can wait. I will cheer for you always, and one day, we will be holding hands in one SMTOWN concert.” His voice was full of hope and consolation.

“Gege, I’m very sorry,” Winwin finally broke into silent sobs. Kun pulled the younger closer to his chest, allowing Winwin to soak his shirt with his warm tears. Rubbing comforting circles on his back, Kun whispered, “I will be your morning star, and you are my angel, Dong Sicheng.”

Winwin sniffed and sobbed a little more, and Kun never left him. Once again, Winwin felt at ease with the world. However, he was oblivious to the soft, chaste kiss on the top of his head, by Kun.

 

**_December 2016._ **

A day before Christmas, the dorm was very busy with loud voices, whiffs of smoke from the kitchen and the comforting air of family.

NCT has grown into three units, and more members were added in the mix. The group was starting to show its multinational façade, slowly fulfilling Lee Sooman’s picture of their group. More Chinese members were added as well, the singing superstar Chenle from Beijing and the talented Renjun from Jilin. Winwin and Kun felt like they were raising a family, with the two little boys craving for their attention every single day. More than that, they felt that the dorm had started becoming their second home, their home away from home.

During the gift giving, ripping sounds of wrapping paper followed by spurts of laughter and screams of “Hey!” filled the sitting room. Mark had gotten himself a box of red ginseng from Donghyuck, a big tub of multivitamins from Taeyong and a big bag of tissues from Ten (snickering that Mark needs it more than the supplements). The bag of tissues became a weapon right after, Mark whacking Ten with it every now and then.

Winwin had gotten Kun a ring, silver, from Tiffany’s. Kun had gotten the younger one a ring as well, silver, from Tiffany’s. Both of them blushed because the others were teasing them.

“Wow, so do we need a priest now?” Doyoung piped up.

“Aww shut up,” Winwin swatted his arms with the box.

Kun smiled, looking at Winwin with honey overflowing his eyes. He could not take his eyes off the other, who had gotten even more handsome and with his black hair suiting him even better. For Kun, seeing Winwin enjoying his long-anticipated debut is enough for him to be happy and content as well. He was a little disappointed because the proposed Chinese unit, with him, Chenle, Renjun and the other Chinese boys were swept under the rug for the meantime, due to the schism between China, their homeland, and Korea, their home away from home. Winwin had cried once again, because he felt that the signs have been pulling them farther and farther from each other. The older one consoled him again, but this time, with some fear in him as well.

His mind was full of what ifs popping every now and then, but seeing Sicheng smile and laugh like this, reminded him that he had no excuse of giving up. He just needed to work extra harder and their long-anticipated debut would knock on his room door like the Angel of Life.

“I love you, Dong Sicheng, and I will never leave you,” he murmured, nosing the younger’s hair on top of his head.

 

**_February 2017._ **

“What is the matter with you, Kun ge?”

Winwin had yelled at the older, out of sheer frustration. He felt exasperated, confused and bewildered at the same time. Recently, Kun had shown his “cold ice prince” side to him, and he had no idea why. He admitted that with the growing workload piled on his shoulders since last year, he had little time communicating with the other. Their conversations over the phone became more and more contrite, his replies on every text message devoid of any emotion but happiness. He felt that with his growing schedules, and Kun’s constant training, their worlds had been forcefully pulled away from each other, the gap widening every single day.

He tried to go out of his way to reach out to his older brother, but it seemed that the other had more pressing issues in mind, things more important than Winwin. He felt shoved farther away from him, without the inkling of what was going on.

“I’m fine, and you should be fine. More than fine,” Kun replied, with an emphasis on the last sentence, while busying himself with his phone.

The nonchalant stance the other had taken pushed him to the edge, and he closed the distance between them. He grabbed the older’s phone and threw it on the other side of the room. The crash had sent the phone’s parts flying, easily disassembling them in the wink of an eye.

Kun’s ears flamed red, grabbing the other’s arms. “What the fuck? Why did you do that?” he shook Winwin roughly, but he still could not meet the other’s questioning gaze.

“I want to know, what did I do to make you mad at me? I tried reaching out to you, going out of the way, risking the managers yelling at me because I want to know what the fuck is wrong with you?” the younger had yelled back at him. Winwin’s voice reflected all of his pent-up emotions toward his best friend, his older brother, his seemingly other half.

Silence ensued after the outburst. Kun stood up, picking up the broken pieces of his phone. He returned to his seat, beside the other. He assembled his phone first, but not turning it on. Finally, he tossed it to the side and faced the other.

“Yuta.”

Winwin looked up at him, confused. “What do you mean, Yuta?” he asked.

“Yuta hyung, are you in love with him? Do you like him?” Kun asked him.

It was now Winwin’s turn to be shocked. “What are you talking about?” he sputtered, and he mentally slapped himself for stumbling in front of the older.

“I’ve been watching all of your activities, and it seems that Yuta wants you. Yuta hyung likes you. And there are times that I want to question the Sicheng that I used to know, because you seemed smitten to him as well,” he started. Winwin did not reply, and he continued. “I’ve been fighting so many inner demons nowadays. My fears of not debuting with you, under the same group. I fear being left out, because you debuted already and Chenle and Renjun debuted first before me, despite the fact that I came here first. I felt insecure, comparing myself to you, to everyone, asking myself why I didn’t make it twice. I kept on worrying every single night, and you have no idea. I want to talk to you more about it, but you were so busy and I wondered if I would be a bother to you. I know you need to rest. I know you need to unwind sometimes, and I couldn’t bring myself to bother you with my inner monsters because it would be too much for you. Finally, Yuta hyung.”

“Hmm?” Winwin goaded him.

“It seemed that he really likes you. I don’t know if he is just acting up for the fans, but I felt really uncomfortable seeing him trying to kiss you, linking his arms with you, holding hands with you, and I don’t know what to feel right now,” he said.

“I told myself, I should be doing that to you, taking care of you, being by your side, but it seems that I have no place in your life anymore. I feel weak with that thought continuously haunting me, even in my sleep.”

“Winwin, please tell me it’s not true. Please tell me it’s just for the fans, please give me that assurance that I still have a place in your life,” Kun pleaded.

“Gege, I don’t know what you are talking about, or what drugs you are on, but I don’t like Yuta hyung as a man,” Winwin said plainly, a little amused smile tugging on the corners of his lips.

“I have been whacking him every single time whenever he does those things on me, because I know you would be watching and breaking your heart is the last thing that I would do in this world. Who told you I like him? Duh, he’s too annoying and he’s too much for me.”

“Gege, you are more than enough for me.” Winwin reached for Kun’s hands, pressing them on top of his.

“So you mean that you have no feelings for him?” he asked, for good measure.

Winwin chuckled, and shook his head. “Remember what you said last time? That you love me, and that you would never leave me?”

Kun’s face reddened. “I have no idea you heard that,” he bashfully said.

“I love you too, gege. I think we are over that line between friendship and love. We have crossed that already, I believe. Now, I don’t know why but don’t think about unnecessary things anymore. You and I, among your debut and everything else, must be the first one in your mind.” Winwin confidently said, with a smile still plastered on his face.

Kun just looked at the other’s eyes, seeing the happiness and the sincerity of his words. Another pregnant silence filled the void between them.

Winwin huffed and muttered, “Ah you’re so dense, Qian Kun,” and the next moment, his lips met Kun’s, placing some pressure on it, making it a little deep and meaningful and all points special.

“I love you, Qian Kun.”

They were supposed to give it another go when Yuta popped his head inside the room, and said, “As much as I want to break your heart even further, Qian Kun, I have too many things in my hands and you can have that whiny little guy,” he said nonchalantly. “We’re just doing it for the fans, and I know he’s yours, so yeah you can have him.” He closed the door thereafter.

“Got the assurance now?” Winwin said, his eyes twinkling.

Instead of an answer, Kun lunged at Winwin, their lips melding onto each others. Winwin’s hands went up to Kun’s hair, playing with the loose strands. Kun just swept the entrance of his lips with his wet tongue, exploring the caverns of the other’s mouth.

It is now confident to conclude that they have successfully advanced to the next level, not toeing with the lines of friendship and love any longer. They have crossed the Rubicon, and the others as well.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on Curiouscat: @minhyungshyung


End file.
